Psychedelic Prophesy
“Beep”
“Sir, the headmaster of SMK Rae Pinang is on the line. He said he needs to meet you as soon as possible…”
“Because my son is punching other kids and painting the toilets with frog blood again?”
“Err, yes and no sir. He said that this time it’s serious.”
“Ok, thanks. Tell him I’ll be on my way” I put down the phone, bowed my head towards my grasped fists and prayed. “Oh God, what could it be this time?” Rushed to the school just in time before the bell rang for recess. When I reached, four pairs of parents was cuddling their battered, terror-shaken children, firmly stroking their heads to calm them down. Their eyes were intensely staring at me; I can sense that their blood was boiling beyond the point of coagulation.
“You bastard!!! How can you allow that little de, de, de, de devil come to school and beat our kids huh?” a parent who was standing there furiously suddenly charged towards me. I already knew this would happen, it has happened – many times – and I just stayed where I was. Really, how can I explain my child’s behavior to them when I don’t even know? I tried my best to bring him up, the best food, the best clothes, the best education, the best newest electronic gadgets, squeezing time from my schedules to be with him, but no, he still become a “Diablo” as many has said.
The parent who was charging at me abruptly stopped at the timely entrance of the headmaster, who with him held my son’s hand. “Mr. Shu, this is the fifth time you are coming to my office regarding the delinquency of your child, correct?”
“Yes sir and I am truly…”
“Sorry? Don’t be. The members of PIBG are long bored and tired of all your excuses. I’ve been very, very lenient with you and your son for a long time now and I’m afraid we will urgently need to expel him without any recommendation letter to another school on accounts of repeated vandalism, truancy, smoking, drinking alcoholic beverages, substance abuse and distribution, violent behavior towards animals, other students and teachers, also to a new account of man-slaughter, which just occurred today. In fact, I strongly suggest you take your son to a psychiatrist as soon as possible. Here, take your son and meet this man. I’ve already scheduled an appointment with him for your son today.”
Prophesy, prophesy, prophesy if I were God, this job of writing my son’s life and mine would be so easy – I knew this was going to happen. It was so predictable. His mom died, he got traumatized, couldn’t tell anyone, felt insecure, wanted a sense of control so he tortured animals and soon to man-slaughter – and these really happened. Wai, wai, wait, wait, WAIT. Substance abuse and distribution? The both of us got into the car, before starting the engine, I asked him with a low and calm tone,
“So, what’s the deal with that substance abuse issue? Why are you taking these drugs? You know clear well it will kill you”
“Drugs, pa? No, not drugs. It’s power. You should try it some time, it’s psychedelic. It is euphorically mind-opening, it is freedom beyond what the body permits! I feel more energetic and excited about everything I do when I get a shot of it! It helped me with studying pa. Look, I’ve been achieving excellent grades and never failed anything. Now, what’s wrong with sharing this good thing with others? And, I could even see mama!”
“What ‘powerful’ stuff are you taking?”
“Coke for speed, superwoman (heroin) to chill it a lil and Bacardi to down it and down in. Oh yea, and LSD. That stuff is the psychedelic ingredient of them all, but sometimes three or more cokes should do it [1].”
I was stunned. Indeed he was an achiever, a great one. The only thing he failed to do is failing itself. Referring to the card the headmaster gave me, I told my son that we’ll be going to the shrink. It was the last resort. On arrival at his office, the psychiatrist greeted and welcomed us into his room. He introduced himself and informed us that he will first need to ask me a few questions to understand my son’s situation “holistically”.
He asked me how was his childhood like. I told him that as long as I can remember, I have always been afraid of him. Now as I recall, when I asked him what he wanted to be, his exact words were “I am who I am and who I think I will be, I will be. That is my reality”. He was only seven. Was I shocked you ask? Most certainly. I didn’t know where he got that from; maybe from his mother. Come to think about it, I wondered why I married that woman in the first place.
She seemed like a pleasant lady when I met her; well groomed, well dressed, good circle of friends and polite. It was a hurried decision; we got married only three weeks after we met. How surprised I was when I found out that she was actually an alcoholic also, she claimed to be a heroin chipper. I tried to warn her not to drink when she was pregnant with our son. She seemed to listen but she was secretly drinking in small but frequent amounts and chips even seven months after conception. She was anxiously excited about having a child but she just couldn’t break the habit of drinking and chipping.
Her habit worried my family members and we pressured her to quit substance intake but she furiously refused. We were left with no choice but to search and destroy all alcoholic beverages and heroin she has in possession. She was left with nothing. She expressed feelings of insecurity and anxiety during her forced abstinence, often yelling at my mother at the littlest things. Tensions built up among my family members as her mood swings increased. During that moment, I wondered how my son is feeling on the inside.
Poor child, when he was born, he cried endlessly without period. We didn’t know what irritated him. No one can soothe him except for his mother – and who knows what she did to calm him down. She refused to breastfeed him so she had to prepare powdered milk for him. Fever befell my wife when she drank too much in a row one day, immediate effects of alcohol raised her temperature beyond 39°C, ice laid on her head was melting very quickly. She knew her end is nigh. Like a loving mother, she held him in her arms and placed her forehead on his; for the first time, she breastfed him. We knew she was intoxicated with alcohol but it was her last act as a mother and we decided to just let it be.
Later after her passing, we found that when we mixed a few drops of the alcohol she used to drink and a pinch of heroin powder into his milk and fed it to him, he became less irritable, less hyperactive, cried less, more responsive to tickles, mimics smiles more often and less disturbed sleep compared to when he drinks just plain milk. It was then obvious that my son was addicted to both alcohol and heroin. I thought we’ve weaned him off that milk bottle long enough to avoid relapse but it seems that it happened anyway. I also told him my son’s predictable behavior from loss of mother to man-slaughter.
He nodded his head, showing that he comprehends all that was said. Took a deep breath and explained what he thinks of firstly the drug taking of my son. Cocaine he said if taken at a high dosage can produce hallucinations, which might contribute to the encounters with his mother. However the desire to meet with his mother has led him to taking it frequently on a long-term basis, which increased his aggressiveness that led to man-slaughter [2]. He adds that a mixture with heroin reinforces the effects of cocaine thus making it a hyperadditive [3].
Alcohol he said is another main culprit. He told me that my son is an FAS child – something I haven’t heard before. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, a child born from a drunkard’s womb. He highlighted that my son’s addiction to alcohol is a late withdrawal symptom from not having alcohol. However, now alcohol spells a load of problems when combined with other drugs my son is taking. Alcohol with heroin increases the depressant effects making it hazardous as it leads to lowered heart rate and respiration [4] that will mean less oxygen to the brain and throughout the whole body – there may be mental impairments, worse, he can die of asphyxiation! LSD and alcohol, he wasn’t sure about them at all. Mostly, the effects are unpredictable and each substance’s effects are amplified [4].
The past determines the future; he was telling me some explanations to how my son came to be. Firstly regarding my wife’s drug taking, it seems that most of her habits were passed down to my son because the substances passed through the placenta and were absorbed by her unborn child. The child becomes dependent on it as his mother was that when he was born, he wanted the same substances that his mother took while she was bearing him. Even if it weren’t medical, the shrink explained that it could be psychological, as he needs his mother to be a caregiver, allowing him to develop trust for others. A loss of his mother would also mean a loss of security, although it was only a moment before she passed that she breastfed my son, but that act itself could create a very strong attachment between the both of them. Therefore his longing to see his mother in his hallucinations is a sign that the attachment is still there and being able to see his mother again reinforces him to keep taking the drug.
It all started to make sense now, somehow I knew but didn’t know how to put it in words. Also, it is certainly a miracle that my son remained a brilliant excellent student in his academics as the shrink explained, many of these drugs’ chronic effect and or combined effect may result in mental impairments [3] [4] and maybe death in the case of alcohol and cocaine [5]. There must be a reason he is this blessed, or maybe cursed. Who knows what’s best for him. To leave him alone with his hallucinations of his mother and philosophizing or a stale mind?
Time was up and he scheduled our next appointment. He stood and opened the office door, his face still directed at me, reminding me to bring my son along the next meeting. As he opened the door, screams and laughter surged the entire ambience. Immediately, I was overwhelmed by the raving madness in the air. The shrink shriveled to stone, unable to contain the unsuspecting trauma. Where’s he? Where’s he I wondered. Searched him in the crowds but he was no where to be found. Wanted to ask someone but no one looked sane enough to bother. Finally I found a small plastic clinic package attached to a note that read,
“Pa, all this time I tried to let you know what I thought. My dreams and ambitions. About mama. I saw her three times when I took enough coke pa. She looked so nurturing. I know I shouldn’t bother you with your work so I talked to mama instead. That’s why I spend so much time and effort downing in coke [1]. I told these people how I saw mama. They were so amazed coz they wanted to see their lost ones too. You know pa, you should try some, and maybe you can see mama too. Try it pa, it is psychedelic.”
He was no where to be found.
Reference
[1] Drug Aware. (N/A). Cocaine: Short- term Effects. Retrieved 25th July, 2006 from the World Wide Web: http://www1.drugaware.com.au/pages/cocaine_3.asp.
[2] Drug Aware. (N/A). Cocaine: Long-term Effects. Retrieved 26th July, 2006 from the World Wide Web: http://www1.drugaware.com.au/pages/cocaine_4.asp.
[3] Rowlett, J.K., Negus, S.S., Shippenberg, T.S., Mello, N.K., Walsh, S.L., Spealman, R.D. (N/A). Combined Cocaine and Opioid Abuse: From Neurobiology to the Clinic. Retrieved 26th July, 2006 from the World Wide Web: http://opioids.com/s peedballs/index.html.
[4] Drug Aware. (N/A). Alcohol and Other Drugs. Retrieved 26th July, 2006 from the World Wide Web: http://www1.drugaware.com.au/pages/alcohol_4.asp.
[5] Levinthal, C.F. (2005). Drugs, Behavior and Modern Society. Boston: Pearson Education Inc.
